The Hard Life of a Pathological Procrastinator

 

 

cool-procrastinators-association-logo-pendingGood afternoon, beloved friends. 

I have already published a few of the articles I’ve written back in the day, but the time has come for me to write something only and specifically for my humble blog. 

I want it to be as realistic as possible, so let me paint you a little picture …. 

I am sitting in my bed, the time is 16:28.
Location – the rock, a.k.a Malta.
The date is January 15th, 2017. 

I am a final-year student at the University here, so this time of the year is particularly intense and undoubtedly unpleasant, to say the least. As you can probably imagine, exams and assignment deadlines are all falling from the sky and straight into my lap, only to pile up to the point where I can’t even see the ceiling of my room anymore. It’s a great sensation, really. 
Now, for a normal human being, who is conscious and aware of their state and responsibilities, this wouldn’t be that much of a problem, because … well, (pardon my French) they would’ve started doing their shit very, very long ago.
I, of course, do not happen to fall under the category ‘a normal human being, who is conscious and aware of their state and responsibilities’, so – for I don’t know which time in my life – I am cursing the day I was born and wondering how is it even possible for me to not have learned my lesson already (this exact same situation has obviously happened at least 34873843784378 times before, to be more specific – every time I’ve had an exam period, starting all the way back in 1st grade).

So here I am, making the best out of a pretty … messy situation, deciding to turn this mess of a life I’ve got right now into something nice and productive, hence this post.

Now, let me explain to you what the hard life of a pathological procrastinator looks like.

*Three months before deadlines*
Oh, hey, I have so much time to do my work! I am going to be incredibly productive and I will finish everything like a week before it’s due, so that afterwards I can relax and take it easy. I am going to give myself more than enough time to prepare and work, so that I will ace everything and life will be wonderful forever.

*Two months before deadlines*
Two months left? No worries mate, I still have time to do everything and my life will be sorted and things will be great.

*One month before deadlines*
Right, I should probably start working now. Not that I don’t have time or anything like that, but still, you know, I’ve set a goal for myself and I will accomplish it, because I am a hard-working human being!

*Two weeks before deadlines*
Ok, the time to panic has come. I haven’t done anything yet. Panic. Come on, panic.
Oh, look, there is a new Facebook page with cute puppy memes!
Sweet, I should spend like at least 27 hours scrolling down stupid gifs and pictures, cuz you know, why the hell not!

*One week before deadlines; all my friends have already handed in everything*
Sitting in bed all day long, thinking about the meaning of life … Hey, you know what I never did? I never finished that series I started watching 5 years ago! Oh God, I have to do that now or I will never forgive myself for being such a procrastinator! I should’ve finished it much earlier … But it is not too late for me yet! Let’s go!

*Two days before deadlines*
Right, panic mode – on. I should probably take a look at all the work I have to do. You know, just in case.
*Takes a look at like one out of fifty projects*
Oh God, you know that friend I have that I haven’t spoken to in like 2 years? Time to catch up!
*Dials friend’s number and stays on the phone for 6 hours*

*One day before deadlines*
I hate myself. I am an awful, irresponsible excuse for a human being.
*Spends the whole day wondering why this keeps happening*

*Five hours before deadlines*
BEAST MODE FREAKING ON!
*Drinks 20 liters of Monster, Red Bull and coffee*
*Writes 20k words*
*Submits everything 2 seconds before the deadline*
*High-fives self and glorifies self for being productive af and most likely a genius because let’s face it: who can do so much work in such little time?*

….

*Three months before deadlines*
Oh, hey, I have so much time to do my work! I am going to be incredibly productive and I will finish everything like a week before it’s due, so that afterwards I can relax and take it easy. I am going to give myself more than enough time to prepare and work, so that I will ace everything and life will be wonderful forever. . .

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